12 days, boys and girls.
12 days in December, 12 days till X-mas, 12 days in the 12th month of the year.
Journey in time, journey is time, time comes and goes, time is now.
You see, how this year has come and gone, it taught me to let go… as much as we heard Elsa sing it, it taught be to be happy, as much as we heard Pharrell sing it and it taught me to shake it off, as much as we heard Taylor Swift sing it.
Four jobs later, year round in a new city, out with the old, no more heart-break down the road, up with crisp new laughs and hugs. You ever get that feeling that you have reached the next level? That, that right there is where I am.
Last year, I ran away, I ran away once more, ran away from something that meant the world to me but I got so caught up with the negative, that instead of facing it, I just ran away…. Overcoming this, facing this obstacle throughout this year, has brought a bit more tears along the road, has brought new light into my eyes. We talked for hours, we talked for days, we ignored each other, we got mad, we forgave, we understood. Most of all, we loved.
I don´t like being angry or negative, with everything life has thrown my way, I put a positive twist to it. With this, running away isn´t my thing, I don´t wait it to be. So, I learned. I am learning to speak my mind, to be mindful of the people I bring into my life and to take care of everything a million times more. As I am learning to forgive myself, learning that I made mistakes and it is my choice to own up to what I did, I realize that there is no use of over thinking things anymore than they can thought of. You just have to go with your gut feeling.
Past feelings, past heartfelt words…. all this can turn into a distant memory. Helping you make your present more sincere and open-hearted. Because we need to learn from our past actions, good or bad.
There, anything goes. At some point of this year, I opened my eyes more, I took a big leap and decided it was time to move on. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, I am still trying to do so… there is an image that plays over and over again in the back of my mind. Is it me being optimistic? Romantic? Cheesy? Not sure, time will tell. For now, I picked myself up and let myself move on, one way or another.
No matter how much part of me wants that particular happy ending, I know I need to concentrate of what is in front of me, of what I am gaining…. because I look around and the few good people that I´ve got are faithful, honest and loving at all times. Because it was all about new beginnings, it was all about living the life I wanted, not only running away, it was about taking the leap.
Not sure what is going to come in the next 12 days, or even 20, when a brand new year starts… maybe more new beginnings and deeper connections are most likely to happen. Letting people in, surround myself with new kinds of love, with love that I have made possible….
Leaving those memories behind, continuing this road, listening to my heartbeat and the rest will be, whatever it will be… meaning, I am going to continue letting it go, continue to shake it off and being happy into a brand new year.
Thanks for listening in to the mixed up crazy heart,
Thanks for the support another year running,
Thanks for letting me be me, in this little internet space,
And letting me in, exactly who I am….
The Always Believer