Recently, I’ve been exploring myself and past relationships with friends and other loved ones. After my previous break up, I’ve been asked plenty of times what went wrong. We were happy, we swept me off my feet every step of the way, he had a great sense of humor, he was comforting, he was a bit romantic, he was in my life for years and years on end. As he chased after me when we were friends, to then be best friends and then wind up together. How ideal right?
It didn’t stop there, we even moved in together gradually and had a couple of foster cats that we’ve rescued. Even more so, things seemed like they were going the right life direction. Be that as it may, as we were finding out ways of life, I’ve seemed more adventurous and passionate. I jumped from one job to another, finding a new one that will come along the way. While he had lost his job and his life direction with it. He lost it completely. It started out slow, straying away from endless talks to blankly staring at shows. From wanting to do social activities to having dreams crashing down. You see, we weren’t really balanced. He was figuring out what he wanted to do with life and all I knew is that he gave me some sort of comfort that I didn’t want to miss out on.
This lead expanding itself for a couple of years along the road, with random moves and distanced talks. I lost the sense of who I really was and he had no other motivation left. Sure, it was a number of things that led to this and turned what was once a cheerful house into a dark place. Granted, I’ve had a harder life than he had and I was already used to turning black into white, so to speak. While he was just going slowly downhill, finding hard to get back up.
All the promises that he made were just words that the wind took away. All the given dreams he was willing to give me never happened. All this time we were making it by mainly me cheering us both on. Sure, I’ve could have done things better. That doesn’t let go of the fact that all this time I was with a person who needed to be cheered more than what he could cheer. He wanted to go to these places, wanted to do all these things, yet in no way found the strength, the time nor the need to do any of them. Maybe that is the way he was, maybe we were forcing things, maybe our time was up, maybe oh so many maybes…
No matter what happened in between, I started drifting apart because the person that once was loving life was gone. And it seemed that he would never come back. All in while, I was trying to find out who I really was, I decided to let it loose and let go. It took me quite some time to do so and get back on my feet.
Fast forward to today, I get asked what I want in my current relationship or any that may come along the way. And even though I don’t usually think about certain things in life, I knew for a fact that after my previous relationship that I still hold dear to my heart, I want a person who chases their dreams. A person who is driven, a person who keeps their word, a person who will get up and still find ways to conquer the world. Sure, we all have ups and downs and turn around, either way, if I get to choose (which I do, since I am going to be going out with the person) I want this person to have that quality.
Because words come and go, words are nothing, words are just there to look pretty. Not only do I want a person chases their dreams! It’s a person really goes out after them and really pushes through, that is when magic happens. A person who makes them happen. Why? Because I am also that kind of person. You fall, you get back up, because of passion, because that is the life I want to live. Yes, we can also have the other extreme of both having outstanding dreams and goals. We will cross the bridge when we get there.
For now, I know I want a person who is willing to take the risk, to travel, to give himself without holding back, to make a fool of himself, just because he is crazy about me. A person who sacrifices small things in order to make the woman the happiest in the world. I am pointing out the kind of men who will hold your purse for a few moments while you’re in the bathroom, who will hold your head back when you don’t feel good, when they give you the last bite of their dessert or just surprise you with a kiss on the forehead in front of friends without you having to say a word.
And of course, the same one who goes out and gets what he wants. Whose actions speak louder than any word he ever says. Sure, as I stated before, maybe my previous loved one and I weren’t meant to be, maybe and oh so maybe, he is now that person… That’s great and all. I just knew that after a long time awaiting and hoping, it was time to set my own sails.
With these words being said and done, there were written early 2017… here we are at the end of the same year.. and man, oh, man, I agree with all these previous words. Also stating the fact that this relationship we are talking about is roughly three-four years old… Not only that, throughout these few years, the only thing that I have been focusing on is myself and my own goals. This is my final year at school, I´ve grown and stepped up my game with my personal growth and most of all, did whatever I could to learn from everything.. There is still much more to discover, more goals to make come true and above it all, love myself a whole much more.
Thank you for being part of this journey, wild ride and world filled with love and laughs.
Keep those comments coming down below and being your own true self.
Loads of love,
The Always Believer
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