For a brief second

For a brief second that turned into a few hours, I missed my ex-boyfriend. Let’s get off to a good start, I prefer not to use labels, so let’s refer to him as BB. And now a bit of the story.

We’ve been broken up for quite a few months now, one can say six, one can say twelve. In any case, it has been somewhat of a while. We ended in good terms and no, this isn’t something that everyone says… least not in this case. BB and me went our own ways as we wanted different things. Yes, there was an odd case here and there of lack of communication and at the same time, it was me who initiated this break-up. Regardless of this, other in-depth relationship details and after-math we had to deal with, we parted ways in the best way possible.

Present day, I find myself in another relationship. Yup, I met another boy and sparks flew out of the blue. In every date we had, there was a connection right from the beginning, it was all exciting and filled with nights of endless stories. These sparks came out of nowhere for the both of us and we decided to give it a go. On top of what we can only describe as ‘met my destiny’, we have a healthy and honest relationship, we are there for each other and get to live our own adventures.

So, what’s the deal with missing BB for a brief second that turned into a few hours? Well, these emotions that came so suddenly reminded me of another spark that I had before. Even though I was in a new city with a new love, meaning there were no street corners to remind me of BB, there was no spots or pictures lying around. Be that as it may, there were feelings and emotions of that long-lost love. He hadn’t been a bad person at all, he didn’t cheat nor lie, he didn’t toy with my feelings or any of the sort. It’s just that our lives were not on the same page for long-term.

I spoke to my sister about this and she told me right away “ It is okay to miss somehow you once loved. You lived and loved. Now, think of the person you are with and how you walk together. Remember to walk side by side, not two steps ahead or behind, you can’t spend more time in your life chasing after someone and waiting for someone to catch up.”

And she was absolutely right.

Because after a few years walking with BB, close to end, we ended walking to a different rhythm. I felt out of reach and ready to fly. And by all means, that didn’t mean I was ready to break up right away nor that it was easy for me. It crushed me. Bad. This guided me to spend far too many nights crying and only being sad. And as music is my passion, it also led me to listen to “ Unbreak my heart”, “I will always love you” and every other heartbreak song known to man, time and time again.

I was the one who took control of the situation and thought to myself by taking the next step and changing it up, I would not miss him as much. Since I put a lot of thought of whether he was the right man for me or not, I thought about it so many times, I spoke about it day in and day out. There were times when I even threw myself back into the relationship. So the fact that I missed him so much was a sign of weakness. Not only because I thought I was making the wrong decision but because I was self-doubting my decision.

It was my biggest weakness because since he did not hurt me in any way, it felt wrong to break up and to then even miss him that much afterwards. All the courage I mustered up when I walked away had gone. Because at the end of the day, how can I miss someone who I chose not to have in my life anymore?

Going back to what my sister said:

Missing someone is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of being a normal human being.

After all, we miss friends that move away… Heck, I always move around and I miss the friends I leave behind. Crying for them, as well. It’s a clear sign that we love them. That feeling of missing someone is as meaningful as loving someone.

On that count, this is why that brief second turned into hours. BB shows up from time to time in my thoughts and an occasional text message. Sincerely, in my new relationship, I believed that I was going to feel another punch-in-the-gut feeling, another kick-in-the-heart kind of emotion, at any given time. After the few first times, another one never came. As I realized that it was okay to miss BB, I also realized that once we past the hurt, it is possible to find love within that relationship once again. Of course, in a different way. We need time to heal and give ourselves time to do so and at that point, remember everything is good under a different light.

After all that being said and done, that street corner or any other memory that might have BB’s name all over it, isn’t painful nor full of doubt anymore. It is now a memory of two people who were truly in love with each other and gave each other their best.

Let the new adventures roll and make new memories.

 

Ariadna Arredondo

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