Dear Team Flyer,
How are you all? This without a doubt comes to no surprise to any of you who follow the calendar on a regular basis…. it is March! It is already the third month out of twelve in this 2017 and how are you feeling about it?
Since you are all just wanting me to spill the updates to then tell me how you yours went, let´s get this party started!
February, 2016, you were revolutionary, you made me go back to school and get my life in trach…
February 2017, you were also a push in the right direction, not only did you make me switch jobs into a much better working and living environment, you showed me love all around, hitting every single base possible, you also helped me put my first step forward healthy…. you gave me surgery on foot number one! So, yes, you were also one to love…
And yes, Team Flyer, you heard right… this month, I´ve moved, I´ve changed jobs, I went to the snow, I´ve gone through surgery and even though I didn´t go to school for two weeks and some exams have been on the tightrope, I still managed to pull through it all.
I sit here reflecting on life´s recent happenings… Good, bad and everything else in between.
This is what I am thinking:
We are stronger that we think. This is because when we are given those hard times, we show our real colors. I´ve had it tough in the past, that being long gone, I only take care of my present. And giving this month full of new challenges, I kept pushing forward, sometimes it was harder than other times, and kept reminding myself… I can do this, I can make it happen …. I can do this. I moved here (almost 4 years ago, wow!) to make my world better and more beautiful, I moved here to push my own limits and to grow from all that is around me, to be happy with me and this is a step forward.
People. People help people is the Secret of Life. For all those times that I ever felt lonely, for all those times that I really wasn’t a kind person to myself, for all those times I though that was it…. I laugh and shake it off. Friends is another reason I moved here years back. Not because I had any, because I wanted to give myself a chance. I wanted to make roots, get connected and find my own tribe.
I did just that and I am doing just that. These lovely light stars of mine gave me light, gave me hope, gave me their all. And just like that, no matter how ´alone´ I sometimes am, I know that they are there. And I am grateful.
Not everything is full of roses. This personal journey that I write now, the one that I am on, I share all the feels. The good, the not so good and those lessons to be learned. My body love is not so love these past few weeks… It is up and down and all around. I haven’t felt so good about myself. You see, I’ve gone anywhere from being anorexic to being slightly overweight to loving sports to giving up.
And that is one thing that has been constant, the giving up factor for this one. Everything else I am willing and bound to do is done. This, however, I wildly manage to screw up. On a regular basis. One of the first things that has stopped me has been my feet, no pun intended. I have been needing surgery for years and I finally just did foot one, soon to do foot two. With all the recovery, it will take a while to get both feet back on the ground where needed, once again, no pun intended.
Moving forward, I don’t know how much I am going to work out, once I have healthy feet. Meanwhile that whole change is happening, I do know I have to work with myself and it is constant. It needs to be constant. Because seriously, my mind is playing tricks like if it were bored and didn’t know what to do. And this ain’t neither poker night nor Uno night.
I write these words because even though I have spoken this thoroughly with close friends, it is still on my mind. I need to look a certain way, not to be a happy person, because I have many other things in my life that make me happy. I´ve gained many happy things in life. What I want to look at when I see myself in the mirror is someone who makes me also happy on the outside, I want to like the way I look. And to this very day, even with all the positive body vibes happening, I still feel like I need to be a certain way.
Most importantly, I write all of this because I know you listen, I know you care and I know that this is a step forward. I also have it very clear in my mind that skinny is not the answer. I know I am not overweight, I know I can look fine in general, I just want to be healthy and have a better and more positive mindset for myself and my body.
Another thing that is not a road full of roses is this. I put on this brave face and write, I spent time and time again researching to make my goal happen, spending time and energy and sometimes money on this, this baby of mine. And sometimes, the focus seems to be somewhere else. Maybe I am not getting the views I want, maybe all that I am doing is wrong and I still need to find the right way… maybe I should be focusing somewhere else.
Anyways, since I can´t see with these too many maybes, meanwhile I am going to continue anyways. Because for real, I am working smart, moving where I can, talking to who I can and doing what I can to get across. I am putting the effort day in and day out. And as we spoke about this before, that is always the way to go.
Put all of yourself in. It is either ¨an all yes all the time¨ or ¨an all no and bye¨… In other words, if you are going to do something, go for it. I do this constantly, except in number four, as for the rest, I put my smart work in, I hustle, I move, I talk, I reach, I study, I focus, I win, I gain, I fall, I learn, I make mistake, I get back up… all in. In every aspect of life.
And that right there is the best thing of it all. Why? See the previous one, two and three.. It is always a pleasure seeing how far you have gone and that there is still so much more to be done!
That is it for me in this wicked February… Hello, March, hello Sweetheart! Let´s see what you got in store for me and let me make sure I am always all in.
How about you? How was your February?
Stay focused, keep believing and go get those goals!
The Always Believer
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