Surprise!! Today we got part two of Lacey’s story and it is wild and full of love. She graced us with her presence once more on our blog and our podcast. Be sure to catch part one to get the full story. Listen along to her journey, laugh with us and get comfy to hear more of her story. She is pure spark and energy! And part two of her episode here!
Not long after we found out we were having the boys! And honestly, that was the happiest time of my life. Luckily, I had a decent pregnancy! My best friend even took my maternity pictures at Tokyo Disneyland! I walked the parks for 3 days at 5 months pregnant! Can you believe it?!
In December 2018, we moved back the states to Pensacola, FL, where my husband was restationed to a new AF base. At first, everything seemed fine. But during our move, we decided to spend some time at my mother’s house in Mobile, AL. After 5 days of being there, I woke up with a major bleed and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Unfortunately, that happened to be my husband’s birthday… We soon found out I had placenta previa and the boys we’re going to have to come into the world by cesarean. After a couple of days in the hospital, I was finally released but only to be bedridden.
Thankfully we were able to make it three more weeks before I had to actually have the surgery and give birth to the boys. The day they were born I was extremely nervous. Excited but very nervous. Before the surgery started everything seemed fine. But not long into the surgery once the boys are born, I began to hemorrhage. Probably one of the most traumatic things to ever happen.
Now I don’t remember very much as my consciousness was going in and out, but I remember them telling me I lost a lot of blood and my blood pressure dropped dramatically low. They rushed my husband out of the room and beyond giving me blood transfusions. I was in recovery for days and didn’t get to see the boys very much. I ended up with six blood transfusions total before moving out into a normal room.
During this time I could feel my depression coming on and I didn’t understand what all I was feeling at that time. I was excited to be a mom but I was so upset that I couldn’t enjoy breastfeeding or skin to skin contact with my boys because of our situation. Jude had to go to NICU whereas Tommy went straight to the nursery. At this time it just felt like everything was falling apart and nothing was going right. The nurses and the doctors kept telling me things that were going on with both Jude and Tommy and I didn’t understand how to cope with it.
This was a time where I felt like I was supposed to be happy and excited and all I was feeling now was scared. A month later we finally were able to move home and had everybody with us. But during this time I started feeling postpartum depression very heavily. I felt like a failure as a mom because I couldn’t breast-feed and I was never given the opportunity for either boy to latch and somehow in some way, it really makes you feel like you’re less than adequate.
There were moments where I honestly didn’t even want to get out of bed I knew that I needed to be there for them and I knew that I needed to pull myself together but the weight of feeling so much guilt and disappointment seem to trump everything. I sought help from my doctors and honestly it was the best thing for me to do.
I’m not perfect today… not at all. I feel like I’ve grown a ton over this last year of being a first-time mom but I know I still have a lot to learn. I want to be an advocate for the woman who doesn’t feel like she has a voice. Postpartum depression is such a taboo subject but it’s such a real subject.
I feel like I have the understanding of what it feels like to go through infertility; what it feels like to go through the blissfulness of being pregnant and becoming a mother; and also what it feels like to go through feeling like a complete failure but realizing that that’s your depression talking it’s not really who you are. I want to be there for the woman who needs that strength and to know that she’s not alone.
We loved having an opportunity to be able to hear her story first hand. She gave us our first double special on our podcast. Her story, her way of thriving, her honesty and endless love is something to admire and inspire to. She is a golden star inside and out. Check her out in the links down below as well as our podcast episodes. Be ready to laugh, cheer and even cry a little. Because we are as real as we can get. Thank you for listening and reading, Flyers.
What is something you want to ask a mom of twins?
The Always Believer
For more about Lacey, follow her here!
GoDoFly presents Lacey Heath (Blog post)