Heartsick

 

Heartsick… that could be the word I am looking for, that could be my state of mind, that could be it for a while.. who would have thought it with me and you?

 

You… 

Your laughs, your memes, your way of making fun of me, you and your lonely nights, you and your endless comebacks, you and your ego, you and your loyalty, you and your patience, you and long days of listening, you and wise words, you and your desire, you and your need to tell me everything, you and your hugs, you and your words at the right moment, you and your compliments, you and your whole way of being…

Me…

Me and my constant laughter next to you, me and my honest words, me and my desire, me and my ability to always be there, me and my shyness, me and my wildness, me at my strongest, me at my weakness, me and pulling              all-nighters, me and getting drinks and texting you, me and my loyalty, me and sharing my whole world with you, me and letting you in, me and my cheers, me and my hugs, me and my whole way of being…

Us…

Us and the perfect mix, us and our secrets, us and our inside jokes, us and our games, us and our references, us and our long talks, us and our tears, us and our fears, us and our rage, us and our laughter, us and our pick me ups, us and all the things we have in common, us thinking too much, us wanting life to be more fair, us trying to figure it out, us and are slowness, us and our passion, us and our figuring it out, us wanted to protect each other, us and our not understanding anything, us and our feelings, us and our surprises, us and our loyalty.

 

Then? All that. 

Now? All this. 

Tomorrow? Whatever we make it out to be. Whatever we let it be. 

 

How? We stand a chance, we are friends, best friends, we lift each other higher, we tease other constantly, we take care of each other, we know each other, we are all this and more. We don´t give up easily, we know what we have is real. We know that whatever will happen, needs to happen.

 

So there… there it is, there it goes, there is that. 

 

So, letting go of the extra feelings, letting go of the extra baggage, letting go of whatever because whatever we have is much more important than the rest, because we know it is not the moment, because we know that friendships like this come seldom… because we love each other and they way we are.

As I sit here, drying my tears, shaking off my doubts and madness, as I sit here thinking of you listening to the break up playlist, like if we were ever a thing… I feel sad, I feel heavy-hearted…. As I sit here and realize that our last conversation needed to happen, I know that I will rise up from this, you will clear your head, we will go back to the way things where and I repeat to myself, whatever needs to happen, will happen…

You, you took me by surprise and no matter the confusion of it all, I thank you … thank you for reminding me that there are still good people out there, that real friends do exist, that life is worth living all over again. 

Till we meet again, till we talk again, till we text everyday like always,

I´ll be there for you. 

Because that is what real friends do, they speak, they heal, they love.

 


 

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