I´ll drink to that
The tale of The New Girl continues… (this week exclusive: She´s back!)
I picture this moment , this brand new moment, a new beginning… if it fills my head with wonder, excitement and most of all; Curiosity. This new challenge I’m going to face has been on my mind for as long as I can remember. Those kind of thoughts that linger on so much that if you look back at old scrapbooks, you will see it written… or even if you talk to old pals from way back in the day about this idea, they wouldn´t be surprised.
The night before the final move to the start of it all:
Knots in my stomach, so tired I could barely keep my eyes open, random images of friend´s faces, then cut to numbers and more numbers, back to worry and back to excitement. Back and forth and all with the hugest knot and tosses and turns.
It feels like it’s a long time coming, I actually had the nerve to scold myself for not doing this before, for not taking advantage of doing this in any other situation in the past … To then, actually suddenly stopping myself and realizing that it the time wasn´t before, it was not meant then. It is meant to be now.
Let´s go back a few steps and fill in the missing Puzzle Pieces:
Since my big depression the last few years and my biggest fall just 8 months ago, I have changed houses, jobs, some friends and most of my social activity. I was so far down the hole I didn’t even recognize myself, I didn’t want to live, I didn’t want to do anything at all, I just wanted to lay there in my hospital bed and get the whole thing over with…. Luckily, between countless talks and the slick power-play move Life gave me, forcing me to start over all at the same time, I ´shortly´ snapped out of it.
Because of how I am explaining this tale, the recovery seemed to go by quickly…. but no, darling, don’t get me wrong. It was years in the making, a big final fall and from that, away we go to get back up. Gladly, I had found friends, they got my back and were my support system, the one that rescued me at the darkest time, no matter the length of our relationship. Because for the first time in my life, I actually let them in. No matter how the new the crew is, it was legit. I took a chance on them, they listened and gave me their shoulder to cry on. They’ve managed to lift me up just by being there and by being them. And I let myself cry endlessly on the couch and drink good wine while sharing heartfelt stories. Leading to this day, we are becoming closer, I have also listened to their stories, caught their tears, shared good times and all in all, making myself take it easy, by their side.
What is all the ruckus about? I am going back to school. Well, better said, I already went back since this is my second day. Back to school to study the degree I want, before that, I have to take a access exam, which means taking up old subjects all over again… Let´s not get too ahead of ourselves though, back to day 1:
I’m feel like my 16 year old self. Who’s the new girl? Where is she from? Omg! Her English! She could totally skip this class. (We were in English class at that moment and for those who don´t know, I live in a Spanish speaking country) She knows Spanish? She understands another language too? She’s from USA? That’s so cool! (Yes, all these reactions are normal, even at this age, to my semi-surprise)
Yup, I felt like I was 10 again too. I felt like anytime from 9-22 years old all over again.
Seriously, I’ve been a new girl forever. (The catchphrase: ¨Once a New Girl, Always a New Girl.¨ comes to mind, in my case, due to all the moving and starting over)
Moving on, after all this initial cheer and glee of classmates, they were beyond nice and explained with absolute detail everything that have been going on and showed me how much I had to catch up. So, my feelings? Let’s see, I would overall rate this day as a 7,2 out of 10. Well, maybe even a 7,5. Why? First of all, because I keep it real with myself and second of all, the language. For those who don’t know, I live in a community that speaks a second language, apart from Spanish, on a frequent basis. And that means that all public services (signs, media, paperwork,etc) are in that language as they considered that one their first one. Even though, it’s not the first and main language of the actual country. My understanding in that language? I am able to understand more when listening, not much reading and barely any speaking at all. So, when some classes and all my notes are that language, I have to keep it real and grade my day as a 7,5 because that is a challenge. Thankfully, the teachers are kind enough to give me notes in Spanish too and are also willing to translate.
At certain parts of my day, Ego comes along on and convinces me that I’m in over my head, that my expenses will be too much, that I will study what I love in a foreign language and won’t have a clue what’s going on and it goes back to expenses. That this isn’t the right time, that after all the hospital visits and moving around, it is time to be building up. And yeah, when do I have time to study? When this Ego persona strikes, he gets pushed by Motivation and Happiness. Because they were there the whole first day and the whole time I was working out the numbers. These two will be a big part of my journey. There is no need to say anything else.
More thoughts and feelings? Excitement, youth, laughter, attentive, curiosity and desire. At the end of the first school day, I quickly spread the word and told my closest pals. Their cheers through voice notes and calls were beyond supportive and curiously enough, were needed more than thought. They have made me laugh and cry all at the same time, all these people who have known me forever or just like a day, realizing that I am chasing my dream. For the first time, in a long, long time, I wasn´t the cheerleader, I was the top player being cheered at. Maybe it was the change of friends, maybe it was finally doing something that makes me happy… Was it them? Was it me? Who cares? They are there and that, my Flyer, is something I cherish deeply.
All right, my fellow Team Flyer, for another news flash, I’ve finally started YouTube… Another way of connecting and discovering a new world together. I am still not sure what to upload yet , also the fact that I haven´t had a full shot on learning how to edit yet. Above all, I threw myself into it and let’s see what happens through there. If you have any suggestions or ideas, you know where to reach me.
(Yes, the first one looks like it was made a million light years ago… we all have a beginning now, don´t we?)
And, hello 2016! Much better! 😉
Throughout all this learning and working and living, you’re still on the top of my list. How can you not be? You’re my team, my online fam, the one I’m thinking about and the one I want to inspire the most! Yes, I am in this with you to help make the world a better place. So, start your engines, mark your calendars, look at the topics (#GoDoFly, #TruthTuesdays, #ThankYouThursdays, #SorryNotSorry, #QuoteMe) and let me know what’s up!
Meanwhile, I’ll be back soon through writing and YouTube, almost always present on other social media and always ready to talk!
Let’s go, Team Flyer!
The Always Believer
For more fun moments check out :Click the links down below!