Good day, Flyer!
This year has been a journey, of tosses and tumbles, of new adventures and trying to fit in and find my place as much as I can. Between changing jobs three times and hanging out with various groups of people… it has been a roller coaster, per usual. I don’t have my feet on the ground yet, I don’t have a stable long-term plan, all I know is what I am going to be doing until October this year. And there are plenty of blanks to fill in still.
Moving forward and inward, these past few months I’ve been settling in into a whole new world. A world that I am in love with, a world that I adore, a world that sometimes scares me. Because I’ve started over, because it is people getting to know me exactly how I am, it is people who are getting to be more constant in my life. And that right there it is all a wonder. It has caused me to live in the own roller coaster of brain … and I soon as I got off, exploded into tears and fears…
The fact that I didn’t want to bother anyone came rushing back into my head. The fact that I set high goals for myself and I want to achieve them. The fact that I hear over and over in my mind “Some of you love sleep more than you love success! If you want to be successful, you’ve got to be willing to give up sleep. How bad do you want it?”
All these things that make me work hard and smart every day pushes me to create all that I have in my mind with the spare time I’ve got. I agree with everything this video says, I want to work hard to achieve my goals and dreams. This is what I write, this is what I do, this is my passion and why I get up every morning.
The pressure I put on myself to just listen to my friends and not vent, to make sure I write as much as I can and be constant on my page, the amount of times I do my own head in for thinking that I should be doing something better with my time… All these countless thoughts, led me to explode. Let me to see who I am and what I need even more. Leading to looking for who is around me.
As I took one step off the roller coaster and looked up; there they were: my boyfriend and these newfound friends. All these people who met me at the end of this ride, stood in front of me with open arms and wanted to help me along the way. Talking to others about my innermost feelings takes me some time and these are people who are basically brand new, leaving me interacting with my own personal chaos even more. Nevertheless, in despite of all my tears and fears, they were there. They are there. And I realized that I can open myself up some more, I can allow myself to talk and know that I am wanted and loved.
And coming into something more personal, it is my journey and my adventure. Learning as I go, knowing that now I can look inward and speak it out loud. Because I do want to be brave, I do want to say what is on mind, I do want to become a better person. All and all, this is why I am doing what I do, this is why my body and mind are wise and made me realize this even more.
One step at a time, time for me to speak, time for me to discover, resulting in enjoying the moment and taking care of myself and those around me.
Thanks for being part of the journey! Let me know if you have had some similar thoughts.
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