Welcome and step in again…
As I am always discovering myself, time and time again has let me to remember that to be yourself, you have to be happy with yourself.
It is as simple as that. As much as I would want to say I am happy with myself, that would a lie. This lie that I have told myself many times before in many terms and in many ways. It’s kind of those endless words. Those countless times it has let me to everything else…. but happy with myself.
Therefore, haven’t been myself.
We get the point.
Let me tell you my endless words.
The thoughts that lately have been around my mind are mainly due to self-esteem. We are empowered by so many social media to look one way or another. My issue isn’t even that, my issue is with myself. Sure, it might have affected me since little, one way or another. However, it is more than that. It is a pain that I have cause myself time and time again. When it starts, I get an endless amount of words bossing me around like I am a child in the real world. Expect these endless words are not those dear to heart, are not to be careful but are those to push myself into something else. Something I am not, self-hate, self- doubt and negative downhill.
Have I not chosen to talk about it, it would have been buried with me. There are many things that went on that I could have chosen to kept quiet. As I write these words out to you, saying what is on my mind and even more so, it comes the real result of letting you in, letting my demons out and finally, finding a good way to heal.
Hence, we all do need each other, People do need other people. One way or another, this is how it works. Sure, I can talk to myself and work on myself, after all, it is only me in this body. But as I have the courage to press publish, to hit enter and to continue, I know that you will see me in a human light, in that light of knowing that it is a real person with issues. That is important because you never know the moment you encounter the right person, the right words, the right place…. those endless words of love.
What I say about myself, what I tell myself every day is out of context, it comes automatic, it is like the sun we see every day, it is like the air we breathe, something natural. It fills my head up at certain moments and it reminds me to be someone else. These days I have been fighting off that voice, that demon inside, letting myself focus on the more positive and even realistic side of things. Do I pressure myself? Far too much. Am I getting better? You better know it. Is it something I can change about myself? I sure know it. I have done things so automatically like move from place to place, like make new friends, like forget about those who have hurt me and so on, that I know by now that I can do something if I put my heart into it.
What’s the deal with these endless words? It is up to me to transfer them from negative to positive. From one end to another and find a balance in between.
As I let go of things that I think I deserve just because I am used to self-harm, just because I am used to living with random people, just because I am used to moving because I need to survive…. I let in new things in my life. These things that everyone has been capable of, these things that I need to realize that I deserve. I deserve words of love towards my own body, I deserve to find a place just for me, I deserve to have to choose to move if I want to move. More than that, open my eyes and give myself credit that I have been doing so for a long time already.
Not as much as the rest, that is for sure. Yet this is the step forward.
It is time to set up a new pattern with these endless words.
How about you? What are your words?
Thanks for the read,
The Always Believer
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